MLF Rebels Attack Lake Atitlan

Members of the MLF (Mojito Liberation Front ) launched an all-out attack on Lake Atitlan last Tuesday.

Their first target, according to War Channel correspondent Moe Wright III, was the vast mint plantation on the slopes of Volcan San Pedro. After seizing the entire crop of valuable plants required for making Mojitos, MLF forces captured the giant rum depository near Tzununa.

Where Next with MLF?

"The rebels next move," projected Wright as he pointed a laser pen at a map of the area, "will probably be to go for the sugar fields here, as sugar is another key component of the Mojito.

"If the MLF manages to secure all three objectives, they will be in the position to move on Antigua and the many Mojito-related targets in that area," Wright continued.

According to a press release from MLF leader Commandante XL, the rebels will "…not stop until every Mojito in the land has been liberated from the bartenders, drunks and Illuminati weasels who killed the Kennedy's, Martin Luther King and Jim Morrison."