Crop Circles in Coffee Field!

Jose Jose Jose, itinerant coffee farmer and noted pinata consultant, emailed us about finding mysterious crop circles in his coffee fields high above Lake Atitlan last Tuesday.

Our Crop Circle Editor, Moe Wright III, was immediately dispatched to the scene in the new SOL-Mobile, a stretch tuk tuk with wet bar, surround sound, 42? plasma TV, and free Wi Fi with a three-drink minimum. Moe reported that, "The coffee plants were flattened and twisted by some unknown force to form strange symbols."

Maya Calendar in Crop Circle

The first crop circle discovered was in the shape of the Tzolkin, the 260-day ceremonial calendar of the Maya. But an even bigger crop circle bore an eerie resemblance to Elton John wearing one of Eleanor Roosevelt’s nightgowns.

Crop Circles Decoded

This crop circle, however, was subsequently discounted as a hoax created by the Santa Cruz Chapter of the Elton John Fan Club working with giant scissors and a digitized pattern from EBay.

Another crop circle was identified as an Illuminati symbol meaning “power lunch.? A fourth was traced to ancient Sumeria, where a similar glyph on a clay tablet has been translated by experts as "Happy Hour." Professor McGuffin of the Universidad de Guaro reached the site on Wednesday and promises a full report.

Until then, his only comment was, "This is as weird as the sightings of the Loch Ness monster in Lake Atitlan last year."